45. why nice guys are single…(part 2)

Let’s recap. Nice guys are single…

1. Because they’re safe.
2. Because they tell the truth.
3. Because they care for the girl more than themselves.
4. Because they’re more selective.
5. Because they’re dorks.
6. Because they think too much.
7. Because they try too hard.

Not a bad list but I can’t believe I forgot to mention the most important, and the most obvious reason:

8. Because girls only want them as friends.

I don’t know how I could have missed that fact when it’s the one thing above all others that has kept me single all these years. This drives me fucking nuts! I mean, what is it about a guy who’s a good friend that keeps him from being boyfriend material? What kind of antimatter-logic is that? Girls are always complaining about how men don’t listen, how they don’t care about them, how they’re just using them, how they leave the toilet seat up. And do you know who they sometimes complain about these things to? Their guy friend who they keep on the side. And do you know how that makes the guy feel? Like a dead bird in the middle of the freeway during rush hour traffic, getting mushed over and over and over again until he’s just another dark brown stain.

“He can’t be my boyfriend because we’re too good as friends.”

I’d eat my fingers off of my hand with mustard and relish if someone could explain that to me. Here’s how I hear that statement: “He can’t be my boyfriend because I wouldn’t have to stay up late at night wondering if he’s cheating on me and because I wouldn’t have to pull my hair out trying to get him to appreciate me and because it would just be too easy and simple to fall for someone who I know really cares about me.”

I’ve heard some say, “I want to marry my best friend.” That may be true but you only want to date lesser men.

What is it about nice guys? I mean is dating a nice guy like wearing a muumuu – comfortable and functional for wearing around the house but not stylish enough to be seen in public with? Or maybe they’re like a Swiss Army knife – kept in the glove box or in your purse for repairs but quickly put away once the party starts.

Reason number three says, “nice guys care for the girl more than themselves.” This means that when the girl gets her heart broken by another guy and comes crying back to them, the nice guy will refrain from telling her what a selfish idiot she is, choosing, instead, to provide her with solace and the warm shoulder that she needs. And he’ll continue to be there for her, nursing her back to emotional health until she’s ready to crash her heart into another brick wall at eighty miles per hour…again.

“…but he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend, he’s just a friend.” Now in some cases that may be true. And in some cases, pigs have been known to fly out of my ass. 10.5 times out of 10, what’s really happening is the nice guy is just too nice to tell you how he feels about you. Or he’s too scared to. Or (and pay special attention to this one) he thinks that you want adventure man, or tall-dark-and-mysterious man, or bungee-jumping-extreme-excitement man. He thinks this because these are the guys you talk about and end up chasing and/or going out with. He thinks those are the kinds of guys you want and he’s not that kind of guy so he figures he’s not right for you and never does anything because he only wants what you want.

If you’ve made it this far down, I suppose you deserve to hear the truth. Yeah, I was checking someone out recently. Someone amazing. Someone who calls me her friend…but these last two blogs haven’t been about her (I’ll get to that three paragraphs down).

No, I didn’t say anything to her about how I felt…and I suppose that’s my bad but…but a couple things. I don’t think I’m the kind of guy she’d be interested in and I don’t want to mess up what little we do have because she inspires me – she renews my sense of wonder at what the world has to offer, what can still emerge from this decaying, crumbling civilization.

And so you see, after all this ranting and raving, sometimes nice guys are single simply because they’re shy and scared – scared to lose what they have but even more scared of hurting the very one they care for and so they watch from a distance, ready to catch them should they fall…kind of like spider man.

I know I’ve been pretty hard on girls in these last couple of blogs but I wasn’t talking about her. Like most of my blogs, it was a way for me to vent some steam and generally figure things out for myself – writing helps me understand, and that blog was about understanding why I didn’t want to pursue this relationship (number three and six helped a lot). All those women I complained about? Those are from things I heard firsthand or stories I heard secondhand or things I saw on TV or in the movies or in a book somewhere. But weren’t about her.

Maybe I should say/do something…but I don’t know how or what. And if you’re tempted to leave a comment with a suggestion, I ask instead that you would pray because if anything is done in this matter it will have to be with God’s strength and guidance.

See here’s the other thing. I’m having a change of heart/mind/attitude. I’m finally emerging from the dark pit of pessimism that I was drowning in for far, far, far too long. I’m on my way out and there’s light at the end of the tunnel and it’s getting closer but I’ve learned that optimism is a fragile bird, especially at this infant stage. I’m afraid that a bad turn (and this could certainly turn out to be a bad turn) will topple all the progress I’ve made.

And here’s another thing. I’ve learned that optimism is hard work…at least it is for me, right now. It takes constant care and vigilance, pulling the weeds of cynicism out by the root as they spring up before they grow into something unmanageable. It’s like getting over an addiction – you want to return to what’s familiar, what’s brought you comfort in the past, what seems so enticing at the moment but you have to keep looking forward towards a future free from those old chains. And I’ve been pretty good so far – I can see the change in my general attitude and outlook. I like where I’m going and I’m afraid of risking anything that might derail this train.

So there’s more at stake here than just this girl.

Maybe in this small way, it’s my turn to be selfish.

And so I ask, not for advice but for prayer.

…although comments are always fun, regardless.

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One thought on “45. why nice guys are single…(part 2)

  1. Pingback: 382. what a guy wants | Flavor and Illumination

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