85. the blind date thing
Okay, so a friend of mine sets me up on a blind date. Well, anyway you look at it, it wasn’t much of a date.
Here’s the original plan:
1. Go to the evening service at a designated church.
2. Go eat somewhere nice afterwards.
Simple right? Well here’s what ended up happening:
1. Go to the evening service at the designated church.
2. Meet my “handler” who informs me that the woman I’m supposed to have this date with (let’s call her BD…for blind date, of course) is hanging with her other friends (her backup) at some kind of Chinese Moon Festival (WTF?).
3. My handler asks me if I want to stay for the church service and meet the group afterwards or head over to the Moon Festival and meet BD and friends now. Well I don’t know what a Moon Festival is (butt cheeks come to mind) and I wasn’t crazy about learning about it that night so I opted for the church service which wasn’t all that bad…though not great either.
4. So after the service, my handler calls the target group to arrange the meeting.
(and here’s where things really start to fall apart)
5. Somewhere along the line, the target group decides they want to see a movie. Unfortunately, the movie they want to see is Stealth at the Wallace Dollar Theaters.
First of all, I don’t like going to the Dollar Theaters. Films mean a lot to me, I care about them dearly, and to see them in some kind of run down, cheap ass, has-been theater seems like cinematic blasphemy to me.
Second, a movie about a fucking futuristic stealth jet with artificial intelligence that (what a surprise) goes batty and starts attacking people is about as appealing to me as trying to file my nails with a chain-saw.
6. My handler and I end up at the theater and I finally get to meet BD. But here’s how well organized this whole thing was. See I thought we were meeting a bunch of people at the theater. We met three people – two girls and a guy. At that point, I was thinking that BD wasn’t here yet…but I was wrong. And then I thought BD’s friend was my BD but I think she was actually the guy’s girlfriend. By the time I figured out that BD was there already and which one of the two women she was, it was time for my handler and I to go into our movie. See, I wasn’t about to budge about seeing Stealth and luckily for me, Crash was playing there and so we all decided that my handler and I would see Crash, BD and friends would see Stealth, and we would all meet up afterwards so we could actually spend some time hanging out and talking.
7. We go to our separate movies. Crash is an excellent, amazing film. Highly recommended. So good, in fact, that it almost made me forget what a shitty theater I was seeing it in, but the thuggish dude to my left kept laughing this Kahi Mohala laugh at the oddest times and was silent during the few humorous bits. Creepy.
8. Our movie gets out first so we head over to the Row Bar to wait. Two good things (the last two good things of the night) happened here. The bar had Rolling Rock (my fav beer) and my handler makes good conversation.
9. So it’s something like four hours after this date thing was supposed to have started and finally, Stealth gets out and BD and friends join us at the bar along with another guy (don’t ask me where he came from, I think Scotty beamed him down off the Enterprise) who knew BD or her friends or both (yeah, that’s as clear as I can make it because it wasn’t explained to me either).
10. Um…well, I suppose this is where things are supposed to get interesting because finally (and I do mean finally) I’m sitting at a table with BD (and the others). And I’d like to write about the things we talked about but honestly, I don’t remember a bit of it. That’s how stimulating and engaging the table talk was.
11. But I’m still hungry and I’m still thinking that food is on the agenda. Wrong again. Turns out the others ate at the Moon Festival thing. But they’re open to going somewhere and hanging out while my handler and I eat. But BD has to work tomorrow and wants to be dropped off at home. BD’s friends are still up for meeting and watching my handler and I eat but at this point, I’ve lost my appetite and I ask my handler to drop me off at home as well.
12. The end.
What started out as a simple two step plan turned into a twelve step program designed to rid me of my desire to date at all. And it almost worked.
Okay, quick disclaimer. I know my handler reads this blog and I want him to know that things weren’t as bad as I described them…well, not everything was that bad. I mean, I have a blog audience to entertain so I exagerated a bit here and there for their sake.
Overall it was a fun night but not in the way anyone expected. After a while, it was more fun for me to just watch things go wrong knowing it would make great blogging material. And it did (well at least I had fun writing it).
Was it worth it? Sure. Will I go out with BD again? Nope. Will I let my handler set me up again? Yeah, sure, why not?
Anyway, there it is. It ain’t happily-ever-after, but when it comes to me and love, it never is.
Have a nice day.